An HONEST Review of Hamlet

I am not much of a theatre person and after seeing Merry Wives of Windsor I wouldn’t consider myself to be a fan of Shakespeare's work.  But I have heard a lot about Hamlet and obviously it seems to be one of the most popular productions ever.  I mean everyone knows, “to be or not to be, that is the question.”  So I was a little excited to see the play that I have heard so much about.  Although when on the tour of the National Theatre I heard that this edition was going to be more modern I felt a little uneasy.  But then I was reassured when I thought about modern film versions of Romeo and Juliet like the one with Leonardo DiCaprio and and even Romeo Must Die with Jet Li.  Those were some pretty awesome movies so there could be a lot of positive potential in this version of Hamlet, after all look where it is being shown!

Then I sat down and started watching.  Unfortunately it went all downhill from there.  The first scene where the guards are on patrol at night they were dressed modernly and were carrying AK 47s.  I didnt really understand this as it is supposed to take place in Denmark from my understanding yet they were holding guns that the Taliban use.  Would have been a lot better off without the guns considering how unrealistic it was that the Danish military wouldnt be using shitty terrorist guns.  This threw me off.  Then Hamlet entered the picture and at first I coudlnt figure out it was actually him or not.  Once I realized it was my first thought was why is Hamlet balding? Im pretty sure they could have done something about that maybe a hat or a wig but a balding Hamlet was no good.  Doesnt really meet the picture of a young prince when you got a ugly balding guy up on stage speaking in old English.  Thats another thing if you are going to modernize Shakespeare why not modernize the script?  Its more than a little awkward having people dressed up modernly yet talking in a language that no one in their right mind speaks.  It really conflicts.  To make matters more miserable the seats dead not have headrest making trying to sleep incredibly difficult add to that the fact that every 10 minutes they would blast some sort of techno music while they changed scenes.  Most the time I couldnt understand what was going on because they werent loud enough so it made it difficult to follow.  I was basically waiting and waiting for the intermission hoping that in the mean time something exciting might happen and the play might actually start looking good.  Intermission finally came and the thing had not improved at all.  

I am very happy to say I did not stay for the second half.  No one could have payed me enough to sit there and watch.  On the way home I was curious what kind of horrible reviews this play must have gotten and I looked it up on my handy little iPhone.  This is what I saw:

FIVE STARS

“Tremendous. Rory Kinnear’s performance is superb in its resonance and intelligence. This is a Hamlet for now.” - The Times

FOUR STARS

“Rory Kinnear excels. An evening to admire and cherish.” - Guardian

FOUR STARS

“A chilling production that demands to be seen.” - Independent

FOUR STARS

“A constantly compelling, fresh-minted production with many insights and original twists… Rory Kinnear proves a Hamlet of great individuality and distinction.” - Daily Telegraph

Honestly, what the fuck.  I wonder if these people even really saw the same thing I just had to sit through.  Or how much did the theatre company pay them to lie about how awesome it was.  Or are theatre reviewers in London just plain mentally ill.  Im sorry but if that was idea of decent in anyway I no longer trust your judgment and I am almost certain the majority of students would agree with me.  How is that thing sold out till January?  

The only thing I really want to know now after watching that rubbish is how I can get my money back.  I am truly disappointed.  It really fucking sucked. I said it.

Saam Talebi